home

I wrote this poem when i first arrived back to Minnesota after being in palestine for 2 months. the transition was, let's say, still is, difficult.


i'm home.

safe.
safe
SAFE.

and sound
s-o-u-n-d
the sound of the tv buzz
fills my head
keeps me limp and avoiding
the reality that no longer makes sense
that never did

for five days
lying on the couch
eating and sleeping

refusing to look at the semblance of myself
because when i do
i don't recognize the grey in my eyes
as i shrink back

today i finally got off the couch
stumbled to the kitchen
looked at the newspaper
front page--
cadet ready to go to iraq
the blood already stains her hands
as her family gathers
pride gleaming in their eyes

and that blood never smelled so fresh
to the semblance of
this one
small
human
back from the not-so-holy
land
drowning out the dissonance

today
only able to feel the weight

unable to begin
to look
for a way up
and out.


i'm happy to say that the few times that i have used my voice publically in the past month, and the mountanous support that i have received from loved ones has helped me begin to sort some of this out.